STAYING THE COURSE
Well meaning family and friends often ask a recovering alcoholic why he or she is still going to “those meetings” or unconsciously wondering what’s really wrong that the alcoholic needs such long term support. The same friends and family would never suggest that a diabetic stop taking his insulin, or that a cardiac surgery survivor stop taking her coumadin. For some reason, civilians seem to think alcoholics should be “cured” by some length of meeting participation and then get on with their lives. Put the “problem” behind them.
And alcoholics themselves led astray by their disease, a disease that is “cunning, baffling and powerful,” may get away from meetings and forget the inevitable outcome. They are not sitting in a chair, listening to soul mates, and hearing about what happens to members who don’t go to meetings. The likely outcome, a return to full blown alcohol-ism and all of its attendant consequences, such as binge drinking, daily excessive drink-ing, promiscuous behavior. Drinking and driving, blackouts, stealing, dishonesty, degradation.
One old timer remembered being in recovery in the late 1940’s. He was a young family man and one of the very few young people attending recovery meetings. He became the “fair haired boy” on the speaking circuit, making commitments through out the tri-sate area. The success went to his head. He forgot where he was when he came in. He thought he was cured, past the need and all of a sudden his disease came back with excessive drinking. He lost everything: wife, children, jobs, self-respect. He literally became the archetypal bowery bum in New York’s bowery. It was eighteen years before he came back to recovery and got his life back. He often counseled those who would listen that he had done it for them. They did not need to “go out” or “fall off the wagon” as he did it for them.
So why do folks keep coming? Partially for selfish reasons, namely, to have a shot at staying in recovery (never recovered). Equally important, they want to be and they need to be there for those coming in behind them, just as others were there for them. A friend with over 28 years in recovery tells of the young man, 31 years old, who said the man was the first long termer who had started at age 31 and had not gone back out. The 60 year old is there so the 31-year-old knows he can do it, too.
And so it goes, one day at a time, living life, experiencing and feelings its ups and downs like all the “civilians” around them. If you think you need help, “they” will be there for you today, tomorrow and on into the future.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Peter J. Flierl, MSW is a national award winning author and motivational speaker and President of FBT Worldwide, a business devoted to entrepreneurial e-commerce, philanthropy, and communications. Flierl is a graduate of Hobart College with a B.A. in English and received his M.S.W. in Clinical Social Work from Louisiana State University.
Saturday, June 03, 2006
FOCUS ON ALCOHOLISM
TEENAGE PROHIBITION
Prohibition was a failure in the 1920’s and 1930’s for adults, so I remain skeptical about teenage prohibition and well meaning initiatives to end use and abuse of alcohol by teenagers. Alcohol use and abuse is no different than any other lifestyle or health choice faced by both teens and adults, whether that is over eating and poor nutrition, smoking, choosing to have daily physical activity or not, wearing a seat belt, speeding or driving recklessly, connecting with our spiritual side.
Teenagers today are no different than teens 45-50 years a go. We had profound debates about the drinking age back then, as it was 18 in New York where I lived, and 21 in neighboring states like Connecticut. Of course, we felt we had a right to drink at 18, since we could vote, be drafted, sign contracts, acquire debt, and have other semblances of being adults. We discussed merits of American versus European approaches to and attitudes toward alcohol consumption, most notably, that in France and elsewhere alcohol like wine was an accepted part of family and social life from an early age.
Our parents then like parents today tried to educate us and inform us about the dangers. The emphasis in my own family was on “learning to drink like a gentleman or a lady.” It was understood that you might have a problem if you drank alone, had a drink before Noon, or drank to excess. Drunkenness was not tolerable. However, it was also understood, perhaps subliminally, that alcohol was a comfortable and warm social lubricant, the center of family and social life. Our family of five, for example, always ate breakfast and dinner together as a family. Dinner was preceded by family time discussing the day, Mom and Dad having a cocktail, and the three of us with our soda.
As with results of the recent sting in Greenwich, those of us intent on acquiring alcohol, usually beer, found a way to get it. With a drinking age of 18, it was easy to pass as old enough to make a purchase. A fake or altered ID, such as a driver’s license, was had for the asking. The fear of getting caught just added to the allure and excitement of drinking, as did going to our favorite off limits bar, Mike’s Log Cabin, for steak, unreal
fries, and a substantial numbers of Buds. Like teens today, we were unaware of our mortality, did not understand or accept the likely consequences, and believed we would live forever, or what then seemed like an eternity.
Were there severe consequences? Absolutely. During the Spring of my junior year when I was 16 years old, a one-car accident on a rural back road took out, killed, four of our classmates. All four died instantly. The cause was driving under the influence of alcohol. In short, they were DRUNK. The description in the paper of the trajectory of one victim and his face being removed as it slid along the rough paved road haunts me to this day. Of course, we all believed that it could not and would not happen to us. Perhaps they were a rough crowd or excessive in their drinking, unlike ourselves.
Did we learn? Slow down? Change behavior? No. In the Fall, two more class-mates were killed when they failed to make a curve and smashed into a tree. The site of the crash was within several blocks of my home. It easily could have been me. To this day, you can see the mark on the tree, the missing bark, where the car hit and these two boys’ lives were snuffed out. The result? Six lives were lost in the span of six months or so with a class size of just over 200.
I would like to be able to say that things changed, that we became more aware and less risky in our choices of behavior. But that was not the case then, nor perhaps will teenage human nature ever change. Our coming to year end, graduation and prom parties were beer and alcohol fueled. We drank. We drove after drinking, as did our parents then and as do parents today. The concept of “designated driver” did not exist then. Despite the hype these days, I do not see many adults forgoing “just a drink, perhaps two,” and taking on the responsibility of not having a drink, not even one, before driving a car. If we won’t be role models, we cannot expect model behavior. Do as I say, not as I do, is never a prescription for influence and success.
I do not have an answer. I do know that three out of ten of us never have a single drink in a lifetime. I know that one out of ten of us is alcoholic. That latter ten percent, no matter what we do, will drink to excess. That is normal for an alcoholic. To recover and abstain from drinking is what is abnormal for the alcoholic. I know that teens 4,000 years ago and teens today have the same issues and same challenges. Positive, healthy lifestyle choices are not easy, require commitment and discipline, and for teens, it would be useful to have parents as role models, in addition to teachers, coaches, ministers and others. The next time you turn the ignition and start your car after having had one, just one, please understand you are part of the problem.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Peter Flierl is an award winning freelance writer and motivational speaker with over 30 years experience in community health and wellness and alternative medicine. He founded Cause-Based Shopping to raise funds for nonprofit organizations. He is a graduate of Hobart College with a B.A. in English and received an M.S.W. in Clinical Social Work from Louisiana State University. He resides in Greenwich with his wife, Shirley Flierl.
Prohibition was a failure in the 1920’s and 1930’s for adults, so I remain skeptical about teenage prohibition and well meaning initiatives to end use and abuse of alcohol by teenagers. Alcohol use and abuse is no different than any other lifestyle or health choice faced by both teens and adults, whether that is over eating and poor nutrition, smoking, choosing to have daily physical activity or not, wearing a seat belt, speeding or driving recklessly, connecting with our spiritual side.
Teenagers today are no different than teens 45-50 years a go. We had profound debates about the drinking age back then, as it was 18 in New York where I lived, and 21 in neighboring states like Connecticut. Of course, we felt we had a right to drink at 18, since we could vote, be drafted, sign contracts, acquire debt, and have other semblances of being adults. We discussed merits of American versus European approaches to and attitudes toward alcohol consumption, most notably, that in France and elsewhere alcohol like wine was an accepted part of family and social life from an early age.
Our parents then like parents today tried to educate us and inform us about the dangers. The emphasis in my own family was on “learning to drink like a gentleman or a lady.” It was understood that you might have a problem if you drank alone, had a drink before Noon, or drank to excess. Drunkenness was not tolerable. However, it was also understood, perhaps subliminally, that alcohol was a comfortable and warm social lubricant, the center of family and social life. Our family of five, for example, always ate breakfast and dinner together as a family. Dinner was preceded by family time discussing the day, Mom and Dad having a cocktail, and the three of us with our soda.
As with results of the recent sting in Greenwich, those of us intent on acquiring alcohol, usually beer, found a way to get it. With a drinking age of 18, it was easy to pass as old enough to make a purchase. A fake or altered ID, such as a driver’s license, was had for the asking. The fear of getting caught just added to the allure and excitement of drinking, as did going to our favorite off limits bar, Mike’s Log Cabin, for steak, unreal
fries, and a substantial numbers of Buds. Like teens today, we were unaware of our mortality, did not understand or accept the likely consequences, and believed we would live forever, or what then seemed like an eternity.
Were there severe consequences? Absolutely. During the Spring of my junior year when I was 16 years old, a one-car accident on a rural back road took out, killed, four of our classmates. All four died instantly. The cause was driving under the influence of alcohol. In short, they were DRUNK. The description in the paper of the trajectory of one victim and his face being removed as it slid along the rough paved road haunts me to this day. Of course, we all believed that it could not and would not happen to us. Perhaps they were a rough crowd or excessive in their drinking, unlike ourselves.
Did we learn? Slow down? Change behavior? No. In the Fall, two more class-mates were killed when they failed to make a curve and smashed into a tree. The site of the crash was within several blocks of my home. It easily could have been me. To this day, you can see the mark on the tree, the missing bark, where the car hit and these two boys’ lives were snuffed out. The result? Six lives were lost in the span of six months or so with a class size of just over 200.
I would like to be able to say that things changed, that we became more aware and less risky in our choices of behavior. But that was not the case then, nor perhaps will teenage human nature ever change. Our coming to year end, graduation and prom parties were beer and alcohol fueled. We drank. We drove after drinking, as did our parents then and as do parents today. The concept of “designated driver” did not exist then. Despite the hype these days, I do not see many adults forgoing “just a drink, perhaps two,” and taking on the responsibility of not having a drink, not even one, before driving a car. If we won’t be role models, we cannot expect model behavior. Do as I say, not as I do, is never a prescription for influence and success.
I do not have an answer. I do know that three out of ten of us never have a single drink in a lifetime. I know that one out of ten of us is alcoholic. That latter ten percent, no matter what we do, will drink to excess. That is normal for an alcoholic. To recover and abstain from drinking is what is abnormal for the alcoholic. I know that teens 4,000 years ago and teens today have the same issues and same challenges. Positive, healthy lifestyle choices are not easy, require commitment and discipline, and for teens, it would be useful to have parents as role models, in addition to teachers, coaches, ministers and others. The next time you turn the ignition and start your car after having had one, just one, please understand you are part of the problem.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Peter Flierl is an award winning freelance writer and motivational speaker with over 30 years experience in community health and wellness and alternative medicine. He founded Cause-Based Shopping to raise funds for nonprofit organizations. He is a graduate of Hobart College with a B.A. in English and received an M.S.W. in Clinical Social Work from Louisiana State University. He resides in Greenwich with his wife, Shirley Flierl.
Buckle Bear's Progeny
We learned that Alison will have her first "acting" role in a feature film. She will play an angry bear in WANTED: UNDEAD OR ALIVE and jump one of the characters. I reminded her that I played Buckle Bear on a number of occasions, so she is a chip off the old block. What a joy to have her living her dream.
Buckle Bear's Progeny
We learned that Alison will have her first "acting" role in a feature film. She will play an angry bear in WANTED: UNDEAD OR ALIVE and jump one of the characters. I reminded her that I played Buckle Bear on a number of occasions, so she is a chip off the old block. What a joy to have her living her dream.
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