An era has passed

The end and the beginning came peacefully this afternoon for Arthur L. Billings, Jr., a member of the "greatest generation" who served with the U.S. Army in World War II. More important, he was my wife's father and my daughter's grandfather. He was in his late 50's when we first met. He could ski circles around me on the slopes. He was a good man. His marriage of 69 years to Marge, Marjorie Albright Billings, was exemplary, a model to follow. Even in his last years and suffering with dementia, he was still in love. The two of them were like adolescents in love when we could have them together. He loved to listen to Marge play piano at Beverwyck. He loved cuddling. Who doesn't.

We followed the advice of hospice and hospital staff and let him know that we would all be OK, that it was alright for him to let go and move on, to let God. He gave a thumbs up to Alison and Pete when they visited on Friday and reminded him of their engagement. That may have been his last real communication. Shirley spoke to him and whispered to him, as did I. Told him I loved him, that we loved him. Told him it was alright to let go. Stroking his head. Holding his hand.

He was the last of his generation in our circle, the final patriarch lost. He will be missed by me and by many. I mourn. I cry. I reflect. Death is never easy. I don't like it and yet my faith tells me this was a transition today, not an end, not a finality. He is again with Marge, continuing that 69 year marriage and 70 year relationship. God speed, Arthur, we love you.

Good News, Bad News

The good news is that as a result of 33 plus years as a friend of Bill, I feel. The bad news is that I feel. Art is now in hospice and slipping away moment by moment. Perhaps it brings me back to my one and only up close and personal experience with death, the passing of Raj's wife at age 38 after just six weeks in North Shore University Hospital. This was in the days before the hospice movement when dying patients were placed at the end of the hall away from nurses and other staff who were uncomfortable with handling dying patients and thier families. I was there along with her daughter, age 17, and a friend. She was in pain, moaning, and winding down, like watching a clock slow down. Have not experienced that again.

My emotions with Art are raw. One moment, I am fine and can accept. Then I break down and weep, or have a trembling voice as I try to speak. That was the case in leaving a message for Alie today. It just strikes at the core of our existence, our lives, our shared loss. Art has been a part of me and my life for some 37 years. He gave life to my wife. He was skiing 5 days a week at age 85 and now this slow and gradual closing down. Each phone call might be the news. Is that good news or bad. The answer is Yes. We are ready for him to transitiuon into his next life and we are not.

Let go and let God. Good advice for us and for Art. God speed on your journey.

Transition, going home

Our family is going through the grieving process as we anticipate the death and loss of our family patriarch, the last surviving member of our parents' generation, Arthur L. Billings, Jr. He is Shirley's Dad, my father-in-law, and Alison's grandfather. We knew at age 95 after multiple series of mini strokes and dementia that his time must come, sooner than later. We lost Marge, his wife of 69 years, on August 21st, suddenly and unexpectedly despite her 92 years. She would have been 93 tomorrow, January 3rd.

The good news is that I feel and feel deeply. I wept like a baby two weeks ago at an Early Risers' and opened the floodgates. I have been stoical. I have tried to be there for Shirley and for Alison. Alie and Pete visited Art on Friday, just two days ago. He gace a thumbs up to their being engaged, perhaps his last real communication in this life. Alie wants to do more, to be there for him, but he is on his way and not really with us.

I went to a meeting tonight on Central Avenue in Albany. came close to losing itr again. This man gave life to my wife. He has been an integral part of my life for 36 years. He is such a good soul, a person leaned on and looked to by our summer community. He is a role model for business and family. He loved life. I have prayers being said for him throughout Albany tonight by people who have never met him, but are now spiritually connected.

I talk the talk. I am trying to walk the walk. My faith is, I hope, real. Art really is moving on to next phase of his being, a better place where he will indeed reconnect with Marge and all the others who have gone before.

We have experienced everytrhing now. Mike, a best friend, was killed when hit by a car at age 7 or 8. We lost 6 young boys in 1962, 4 in one alcohol-related accident and 2 in a second alcohol-related accident. And we all kept drinking and driving. Another friend was hit by lightening at age 21 and existed in a nursing home here for 25 years. Mom died suddenly at age 60, much too young for her, traumatic for all of us. Dad had a long battle with cancer, so we knew the end was coming and yet it still leaves a hole. His eagle salute off the shore of Turtle Island will stay with me forever. And then we have Marge and Art in their 90's, and it is still hard, still emotional. While death is part of life, it jus ain't easy. It sucks.